The official user's manual for sunshine

Hot Fun in the Summertime: Doin’ the Nasty Outside

User's Guide to Summer Add comments

Hot, sweaty nights. Breezes that offer no relief. The silken moisture of feverish, sweat-slicked flesh. All of these meld to make Chicago the perfect place for outdoor sexual activities…especially when that blink-of-an-eye period we so love called summer comes and goes like an insensitive one-night stand. Lakefront nooks and crannies, woodsy parks, abandoned buildings, alleys, beneath the el and under Wacker Drive are all locales that can be pursued with abandon, especially when the chill of fall, winter, and spring aren’t breathing down our necks. And speaking of that chill, it’s probably why Chicago citizens are so feverish to connect when summer arrives: they’ve been storing up all that pent-up wanton lust during cold, frigid months and by the time the heat of summer rolls around, it’s simply aching for release.

So where do Chicago’s boldest and friskiest sexual adventurers find the perfect spot for that outdoor roll in the hay (or roll in the concrete, crabgrass or cinders)? The answer is limited by only two things: imagination and urgency. For the former, even the flimsiest pretense of privacy can be taken advantage of for a quick sexual liaison. For example, the city has begun replacing lakefront boulders with long, boring expanses of concrete, but some of these boulders still exist (check out the ones along Evanston’s beaches). These big stones offer a smidgen of privacy and lots of romantic potential for those willing to put them to use in the late, late hours of a summer night or the wee hours of a summer morn. What could be more romantic than balancing precariously on the edge of a boulder while being diddled nervously from behind? Imagine the harvest moon spread out on the waves behind you and you’ve got a Kodak moment, or something like that.

Chicago’s network of forest preserves, in both city and suburbs, offers woodsy acreage galore in which to frolic (watch out for poison ivies and their ilk, as well as the occasional plainclothes police officer). For those of you who prefer the urban jungle, Chicago—unlike New York City—has miles and miles of alleys in which to live out your most sordid fantasies. Alleys have a rustic charm: fornicating up against a dumpster can bring your olfactory and visual senses alive while other senses are being titillated further south.

But wherever you choose to take advantage of spontaneous sex in the great outdoors, remember that sexy element of risk exists for a reason. You may find that an embrace by the long arms of the law is a real wood killer. (Rick R. Reed)

Leave a Reply

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.